Secret: My husband is mentally ill. Is it possible for him to get treatment, or is this just his nature?
Problem:
I am a woman married to a man I don't know how to describe. However, if I could go back in time, I would never marry again. He has lost all understanding of manhood. I would like your advice on whether my husband needs psychological treatment, or if it's just his nature that will never change. I'm confused about this matter, and I don't know where to begin with my problem.
My husband has stopped working and doesn't want to provide for me and his children. He constantly threatens to divorce me. He's an irresponsible person. He wants me to work while he sits idle. More than one suitable job opportunity has appeared, but he wants to stay at home and depend on his father. I feel like he only cares about himself, only about what makes him happy and not about me. Whenever I talk about household needs, he insults me, and I feel worthless in his eyes. No matter how hard I try to describe how I feel toward him, words are never enough. I feel like I'm in a very bad state. Should I ask for a divorce, as this is what he wants, or are the children not to blame and I have to bear the consequences of my own choice? Please advise me.
Solution:
Dear reader, we have forwarded your advice to Dr. Raymond Michel Thabet, a mental health, marital, and family counseling consultant, who said:
Truly, there is nothing more difficult than for a person's unhappiness and misery to come from within their home and immediate family. We ask God Almighty to help us guide you to the right path and to help you implement and implement what you need to do.
First, I apologize for describing your husband as having undermined your concept of manhood and for rejecting the idea of marriage if you could go back in time.
This negative generalization is a common misconception that sometimes occurs due to extreme psychological stress, a buildup of unresolved issues, or a poor choice of partner from the outset. God, who created mankind from the beginning, created them male and female for the purpose of fruitfulness, multiplying, and filling the earth. Could God create anything by chance or mistake? God forbid, of course. He has subjugated everything in the universe to serve us. Marriage in itself is a divine obligation, but it has foundations and rules that we must be familiar with, understand, and apply. It is just like the foundation stone laid to stabilize a building and protect it from collapse. Likewise, every woman must understand the nature of men, and every man must understand the nature and needs of women, so that we can ensure the establishment of a strong, stable family capable of withstanding life's obstacles and problems.
No home is free of problems. We are looking for ways to manage our problems successfully and wisely, not ways to avoid them, because that is a very difficult aspect of life in general. We build a strong, reassured personality and an enlightened mind that can face matters wisely.
Of course, we reject the husband's behavior in this way. It is unacceptable for his father to provide for you as long as the husband is able to work and strive, and there is no disability preventing him from doing so. He is the head of the household and must be responsible for its obligations. But we must first ask some questions: Was this the husband's nature from the beginning? Does the husband suffer from any illnesses that prevent him from working? Has a third party intervened between you to reconcile you after your individual attempts? Does his father approve of his current situation, thus encouraging the husband to be lax and not work? Has the husband ever consulted a specialist or been diagnosed with any clear disorder that requires treatment?
All of these things must be taken into account before making a judgment. There is no doubt that every person has both positive and negative aspects. No one is devoid of both positive and negative aspects. Therefore, humankind's quest for development continues throughout life, and there is no specific age for this. To be fair in our judgment, you should now consider your husband's positive qualities before his flaws, with impartiality.
Men, in general, are captivated by kind words and a wife's cheerfulness and warmth. So, what about your interest in expressing feelings of affection and love toward him?
Women, in general, are better at expressing feelings than men, so we must harness this natural ability in women to initiate reconciliation. Many people are not good at expressing their emotions and feelings easily, so we urge you not to treat him the same way. Pay attention to the organization of your home, your grooming, and your appearance, and strive to ensure that the home is always devoid of affection and compassion. Perhaps the simplest changes can yield the desired results, and we have seen this often in our psychotherapy journey.
Finally, if your marriage was built from the beginning on love, affection and mercy, then this is a good sign, God willing. It may take some time for our emotions to regain their balance, as perhaps you have suffered from a lack of feelings, as sometimes happens due to the routine of life. Here, you must be patient and not rush into making a decision. You must be gentle and not over-reprimand or blame, as this may be a new starting point for change. If the situation continues as it is, then you must seek the help of a psychologist to evaluate the matter.
Secret: My husband is mentally ill. Is it possible for him to get treatment, or is this just his nature?